Lost.

Do you remember the last time you lost something important? Cellphone? Laptop? Thumbdrive? Special keychain from special someone? Wallet? Identity card? It sure felt like shit. Everything you did to it. For it. With it. Gone. Either lost in eternal abyss. Or picked up by someone who does not even think twice about deleting your hardwork stored in your laptop so that he or she gets a brand new one. At your expense. And your failure to keep your item properly, be it accidental or negligance.

Xinyi was very important in my life. Everyday when I wake up. Besides the mandatory schoolwork I have to prepare for my lessons with the kids. I will then think of what needs to be done. With, about and for Xinyi. I have lost something so dear in my life, that nothing now is the same anymore.

I go about things I need to do. But the thought of her gone is heart wrenching. I have become so emotionally unstable. I will break into tears at every opportunity it presents to me. I cannot listen to radio anymore. Because 99.9% are songs about relationships and stuff. I see an old lady selling tissue and her plight drives me to tear. I have not smiled or laughed out loud with genine intent for as long as I can remember.

Some of you who know about my situation may feel that I am weak. You are right. I am. And I really don't know how much longer I can hold out.